happy birthday to me and michelle yeoh...

if you read this, michelle, stop by later. we can watch cthd and have a gimlet. but don't take too long or i'll start without you...

i do want to thank my wonderful family - the best ever. for a wonderful birthday

on to other things... actual sign on the van of a drilling company: your hole is our goal...

wtf? is it just me, or does that sound a bit, ummmm - forward....

my camera is broke and that is depressing. i read in the believer somewhere said david s. ware's live in the world is a jazz version of london calling. i have no idea what that means, but they are both great records and ware's has been dominating my playlist along with dave douglas and of course richard thompson - love his version of 1985...

lyrics for the day...

"But Im a creep, Im a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I dont belong here."

and

"Transport, motorways and tramlines
Starting and then stopping
Taking off and landing
The emptiest of feelings
Disappointed people clinging on to bottles
And when it comes it's so so disappointing

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Shell smashed, juices flowing
Wings twitch, legs are going
Don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel

One day I'm going to grow wings
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless
Hysterical and ... "

and

" Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
million suns and calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world"

AND

"Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn't matter much to me
Let me take you down, 'cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real, and nothing to get hungabout
Strawberry Fields forever

No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low
That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right, that is I think it's not too bad"

the last lyrics are among my favorite ever... i remember reading an interview w/lennon where he said at some point he felt so different than everyone he must be a genius or an idiot... while i don't feel precisely that way - i kinda know what he meant... the inability to relate...it's like - am i so un-cool, or am i too-cool? and i smart or am i stupid? am i too humble or am i an ego-maniac? at this birthday it's kinda like - am i too old or too young...i mean, i have interests and do things that my contemporaries generally don't - or put differently, i find most folks my age boring - on the other hand, the aches and pains every morning - the diminished vision and hearing are all too powerful reminders that - to quote blake - i think - everything falls apart... plus folks i see around seem *so young* to me...and being closer to 50 than 40 terrifies me...

anyhow, don't misread this post - though it may sound that way, i am not overly depressed - a bit alienated, perhaps - i'm kind of used to it. a big advantage of age is that you really begin not really caring too much about being cool, popular, hanging out... it's kind of a benign apathy - after enough years, most of the pain of alientation goes away and it really doesn't bother you...or to quote dm " Oh I used to be disgusted
and now I try to be amused."